Trigger warning??

I self harm, have disordered eating, probably have depression of some sort, kinda been abused and am generally unhappy with myself. I’ve told people but not everything. I have thoughts of suicide, I have thought of people’s reactions and when/how I could do it. I have thought that maybe the world would be better without me, that I deserve to leave and the pain that comes with it. There’s no reason to worry about me but in a sick and disgusting way, I kinda want there to be?? God, I’m kinda fucked up🙃🙃