Trigger warning

I’m so tired of wasting time, never seeing results, counting calories, feeling guilty, starving myself, binging, losing and gaining weight. I’m so tired of it but i can’t/dont want to let go? I’m not even that far in. So I told a close friend, I trusted and hoped that she’d support and help me. She didn’t. I basically got the “you should seek professional help” and “you’re not fat or a failure”. Why do I keep being ignored? I kinda wanted to ‘recover’ but I’m not so sure anymore.