skeletonnthinn:

once you start seeing the numbers they don’t go away

it takes your mind into a state of disarray

2 jumping jacks burns one calorie

500 burns 250

if i eat one egg white it’s 17 calories

exercise becomes a kind of currency

do i really want to pay 50 sit ups for that?

the numbers don’t go away

you can’t enjoy your favorite things

that’s why I hate being told it’s for attention

there is nothing beautiful or tragic about the girl who can’t even enjoy her favorite drink anymore

there is nothing beautiful about your abdomen being in excruciating pain because you haven’t been able to shit for 3 days

there is nothing beautiful about clinging onto a wall when you stand up because the world goes black every. single. time.

there is nothing beautiful about being at the store and looking at a 50cal apple and thinking, “maybe after i fast for a few days”

there’s nothing beautiful about shivering in a cold shower in the middle of winter because it burns more off

i hate the way Hollywood romanticizes eating disorders

is there anything pretty about puffy faces and decaying teeth?

is there anything beautiful about clumps of hair falling out and grey skin?

is there anything beautiful about being so full you might explode but still not being able to stop?

it’s not diet coke and cigarette smoke.

it’s not baggy clothes and a bottle of water

it’s not the girl ordering a salad instead of a burger

it’s so much more than “I want to be thin”

it’s so much more than skipping a meal or over excercising

it’s not being able to look at anything without seeing the numbers

it’s not being able to go out without thinking “well walking around we will burn x amount of calories”

i wish i could see more than the numbers

but once they start they don’t disappear