Mental illness will try everything to convince you that everyone would be better off without you, and you are actually doing them a favor if you leave their life. This is a trap! Its only telling you this to make you more miserable, alone, and helpless, and you will NOT make anyone happier by disappearing.
I know you’re going to tell me that you are an exception, that you really are horrible and make everyone else miserable. But mental illness makes it impossible to accurately assess the impact you have on other peoples lives, and whether or not they want you around. Therefore, unless the other person explicitly tells you to, assume that you leaving will only hurt the people who care about you.
I’ve been in this situation before many times. The most recent time I got that low, I explained to a friend that I felt this way – that I wasn’t going to come to things unless specifically invited, or ask to tag along, or ask if I could come over, because my default was to assume I was unwanted.
she gave me a key to her house and told me she’d be happy to see me even if I showed up in the middle of the night unannounced and emptied her fridge without asking.
Talk to people instead of assuming the worst. It helped me.
me talking to my therapist: i want to die…but like….not actually just…metaphorically…as in like if u offered me immediate death and relief from my consciousness…id say yes….metaphorically…hypothetically…in a theoretical situation…in a hyperbolic manner…metaphorically speaking
pain-lies-inside 
