interactive introverts melbourne *in no particular order
– they named the audience shiela
– phil said something about being inside sheila and dan stared at him and phil corrected himself
– he said it again soon after but dan said it was on purpose
– the things under dans bed were cereal, dead houseplants and his dignity and when he heard dignity he burst into laughter and said ‘its in flames’
– they complained about how there was 4 seasons in one day (or one hour)
– we were at the BEACH AND IT WAS HAILING MY NIPPLES WERE ERECT! – dan
– dan said kangaroos were thicc and choke me daddy (he wants to be fucked or fuck one)
– 83% of the audience were extroverts and they were shook
– 11% of people had ‘no idea who they were’
– dan had to make jellyfish sound good and got offended when phil wouldnt pee on his leg if he got stung
– there was a lot of pee talk
– phil had to make flower crowns sound bad and it ended up with him saying a bee could fly up ur nose and dan banging his head on a light bc he was so done
– phil was sacrificed on the wheel
– dan nearly hit him in the penis and phil loudly said YOU NEARLY HIT MY PENIS and dan was shocked but then he also said penis soon after
– when phil was trying to get the white suit thing off he bent over with his ass to the audience and we cheered really loudly and he got a little embarrassed and said GUYSSSS and then waddled backstage to try and get it off bc they were around his ankles
– when phil was 15 he came to Australia and there was a huntsman on the wall of the cabin he was in and martyn told him to put a glass over it but phil used a plate to catch it and then when he checked to aee if it was there he realised it wasn’t and it was on his arm
– when dan was 9 he had a lay over in sydney on the way to new zealand and he picked up a rock at the airport and a spider jumped in his face
– they did the macarena silently and dan did a cute little butt wiggle
– during intermission the final countdown played and about 50+ people were ‘moshing’ at the front
– 2 girls had a dance battle
– dan complimented the mosh pit
– dan said choke me daddy about one of the dads
*theres more but these are at the top of my head
-yeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
-world war three! world war three!
-dan actually likes Vegemite and wants to bathe in it
-everyone cheered for them to crush us under ice
-everyone cheered for the idea of phil spitting on us
-when they were asking people what was inside dan’s box, someone said his dignity
Rubber up for dewey
They were both shook at the lack of Starbucks chains in Australia
Phil thought dans first holiday was India
The sercurity giving up and just letting half the audience form a mosh pit
– “you need to see other people, phil” – dan after acting weird
-phil struggling to get the props box on stage and dan laughing his head off about it
-dan saying phil was born in 1963
-phil trying to make toast sound bad involved having a spread made of beetles
-“I know right— NEw zEalanD!/!!”
-dan being smug af about not being sacrificed
-phil was saying he’s ‘already upside in Australia’ when the wheel started to spin
-one of the inaccurate predictions of the show was ‘dan and phil ride in on a kangaroo and die’
-dan about one of the parents: ‘or maybe she’s looking up to god for salvation’ (or something)
– “you’re drowning in pizza and the last thing you see is a pepperoni going into your eye!’
-tim tam wrestling
-they did psychic connection about ‘Australian things’ and they said ‘TIM TAMS’ at the same time’
-phil was shaky from having too many tim tams and he wanted to try all the flavours and dan was like “you know you can just have one— but no Phil’s like ‘IM GOING TO EAT THE ENTIRE PACKET’ and he had been shoving tim tams into his mouth
Tag: interactive introverts
Phil’s Diss Track and Interactive Introverts Song Transcript
Introducing: Phil’s diss track, Dan playing the piano and singing, and the ending duet from Interactive Introverts. This is the best transcript I could make of the ending songs from Interactive Introverts. This is a combination of not only what I remember from my own show in Atlanta, GA, but also from about six different audio and video recordings from different shows. They all differ slightly but this is the gist of it to the best of my abilities.
~
*Phil gets out microphone, puts on sunglasses and a baseball cap*
D: Phil, please don’t do this. Oh my god, no!
P: Time for something fresh from 3 years ago.
D: I’m so sorry this is happening.
P: Might not be amazing, but you’re about to get (Phil)led in.
*Phil jumps off one of the stage benches and proceeds to dance/move like a really bad fake rapper for the entirety of the diss track*
P♫: My name’s Phil Lester, thankfully not mo, it’s finally time to make my diss track, yo.
Thought I was too innocent to roast myself? Well watch out BITCH this might be bad for your health.
A YouTube dinosaur, his channel’s older than your mum.
He’s so insanely clumsy, always falling on his bum.
Some people think he’s weird cause he doesn’t like cheeses, he’s so freaking pale you’d think the sun gave him diseases.P: Yup, I just rhymed ‘cheeses’ with ‘diseases’.
D: He did that!
P: This is only going to get more brutal so you might have to call an ambulance for me or yourself. *Phil gets back on bench thing during this part*
P♫: *Phil jumps off bench again* He’s called amazingphil, why’s he so great? for 10 years he had hair from 2008. All the time hiding behind a fringe, and on top of all of that, he’s secretly a ginge.
You quiffed it up, what’s this a re-brand? If you didn’t dye it black, you’d be totally bland.
And innocent, whatever, wait til’ you’re in private. You’re mouth’s so dirty, you sound like a pirate. They call you an angel, you know that’s a lie, (D: why?) you just don’t wanna get demonetized. *dances like he’s making it rain money*
Your vids are so sweet, you can’t even say crap. I bet you’d even censor a swear in this rap.D: Wait no, Phil Phil Phil, no. You can’t swear on stage, we’ve been over this.
P: Don’t be so f*****g ridiculous. *censor beeps cover the swearing*
D: No, no. Phil, you can’t.
P: I can’t swear?
D: We’re gonna get fined.
P: What the f**k. *also censored*
D: No, Phil. Please get back to rapping.
P: Okay I’m gonna keep going…
P♫: You look like a badly photoshopped Benedict Cumberbatch. Now I realized nothing rhymes with Cumberbatch, so I guess this verse doesn’t rhyme…
D: Really? Stop, stop I’m leaving. *walks off stage*
P♫: I better get going, and end the bants. I murdered this beat, like I murder house plants.
You can’t keep a cactus, why’d you want a dog? I’d give it 3 weeks until the funeral vlog.
And don’t get me started on that guy called, Dan. The reason I’m here is people ship Phan.
More followers than me, I’m living in his shadow, next thing you know he’ll be playin’ the piano.*Middle screen lifts and Dan playing a white grand piano appears behind it*
D: Hey there everyone, how ya doin’?
This is a little improvised song. It’s a true story about two guys called Dan and Phil.*Phil sits on the piano*
D♫: Once upon a time, there was a boy named Dan, with brown emo hair and a weird brown tan. He spent a lot of time on the internet alone, then on youtube he found a place to call home.
D: You know where this is going.
D♫: A magical world of skateboarding cats, of vloggers, filmmakers, and some bigheaded twats. *shrugs*
But Dan enjoyed this world all alone until, he met a black-haired emo called amazingphil.
This Phil guy, he was weird, but also pretty rad. He talked about his life, and he wore a lot of plaid.
Dan wanted to join in, but he couldn’t make his clips, so he asked, “hey, buddy, can I have some editing tips?”*music picks back up from Phil’s Diss track*
D: Wait, what, what? Phil, no.
*Phil gets off piano to rap again*
P♫: Hey shut up Dan, this piano is whack. People want the raps so Philly is back.
And you better hurry up with this story in this track. We’ve been friends for 10 years, they all know the tale. If you didn’t know me you’d be sat in jail.D: I’d be in jail, really?
P♫: Dan’s looking at me like this is betrayal.
D: Yes, well, this is a betrayal.
P♫: I guess it’s time to Bail. *Phil walks off set*
D: What? Are you serious? Phil? Hello? Phil, come back here right now. Put down the hat. I think people would prefer if you stopped the rapping, and joined in with the piano singing. Just stand in the middle and sing something nice about the audience. You think you can do that?
P: Yeah.
P♫: The future’s unclear, but I know this is true, you’re as important to us as we are to you. We didn’t know we’d make it this far, but now we’re on a stage and here we are. *drops onto knees*
D: Very good, Phil, very good. You’re kind of kneeling in my spotlight right now. This is the Dan and Phil show, not the Phil and background piano guy show.
P: Okay.
D: Should we do this together?
P: Yes. *Phil gets back up on the piano*
D: So, what, are we forwarding the story to now?
P: Yes.
D&P♫: ‘Cause we’re two interactive introverts, interactive introverts. We don’t care if it hurts or not we just want to give the people what they want. Because, we’re interactive introverts.
P: You know it’s funny, that we’ve been friends for so long but we haven’t fallen out yet.
D: There’s plenty of stuff for us to argue about.
D♫: Your houseplants are dying.
P♫: You don’t go outside.
D♫: Your vision is blurry.
P♫: You are a furry. *while pointing at Dan*
D♫: Okay, it’s starting to fell like that this is too long.
P♫: I guess we might not make it to the end of this song…
D&P♫: ‘Cause we’re two interactive introverts, interactive introverts. Thanks for watching and for all of the memes, it’s been terrible for our self esteem. Because we’re interactive introverts, interactive introverts. We don’t care if it hurts or not we just want to give the people what they want.
*Lights go off and ending music comes on*
*Lights come back on and Dan and Phil take a bow either side of the piano*
*They make their goodbyes*
*FIN*~
Clearest audio recording found here from the Berlin show. Also, for a cover of the piano and singing parts, check out Grace Chan.
pain-lies-inside 