me talking to my therapist: i want to die…but like….not actually just…metaphorically…as in like if u offered me immediate death and relief from my consciousness…id say yes….metaphorically…hypothetically…in a theoretical situation…in a hyperbolic manner…metaphorically speaking
Someone who drowns in 7 feet of water is just as dead as someone who drowns in 20 feet of water. Stop comparing traumas, stop belittling your or anyone else’s trauma because it wasn’t “as bad” as someone else’s. This isn’t a competition, we all deserve support and recovery.
Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.
It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s having sex because you want to be used or abused or defiled. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking – not because you need the nicotine – because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.
Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.
It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.
Just read this story and reblog to hopefully save a life.
It’s absolutely worth your time.
Imagine.
Imagine what is going to happen to that loved one. Even if you guys aren’t together right now.
Think about how many hours they’re going to spend crying the night after.
Think about how lost they’re going to feel without you.
It doesn’t even have to be a boyfriend. Because believe me, romantic love isn’t the only kind of love that can destroy you when it’s taken from you.
That little kid you used to babysit isn’t going to know why you’re not coming around anymore. They’re going to pester their mother who can only sit and cry and wonder why she never noticed, and she insists you’re just too busy because she can’t bare to break the news.
That person who you always did that goofy thing with in the hallway, or whenever you saw them. Mine was yelling curse words back and forth every time we walked past until we could no longer hear them. Imagine how they’re going to pass that one spot you always stood at right before class and just get that hollow feeling. Suddenly they can’t even find the nerve to go to class and start to fail because they never wanted to do it without you.
Your lover? Oh God it’s going to tear them apart. They’ll sit there reading your last texts for hours. Wondering what they could’ve done to notice. What they could’ve done to help you. They won’t be able to sleep for weeks because the last time they did they lost the most important thing in their life to them. Well, they might be able to sleep. But they’d have to cheat and take as many pills as you did to get there. They’ll call your phone over and over again as if maybe this was all some joke. Maybe you’d pick up this time. But you don’t. You never do. All that waits for them is the dreaded robotic voicemail that haunts their dreams. Eventually they fall asleep because when they’re asleep they can still talk to you. They don’t remember you’re gone. They dread waking up because waking up means a world without you, so they start taking sleeping pills so that they don’t have to until one day they take too many and they finally join you in those dreams.
Let’s say they aren’t your current love interest. Your ex will hear about it. They’ll wonder if you wouldn’t have done it if they had fixed things. They’ll cry for hours even though they have a new person to love, and cuddle all the things they have that reminded them of you. That weird baggy t-shirt that looked bad on you but you loved how it looked on them. The receipts from your first date. They’ll keep looking at them and remember how you were alive when they gave this to you. When they bought you that soda at the gas station down the street at precisely 7:32pm, because they kept everything. They still loved you.
Let’s say you have no love interests. What about your mother. Some of you might think they won’t care, but believe me they will. She’ll spend the next few years crying her heart out if she can even hold out that long. She’ll have to start taking antidepressants. She might even have to move out of the house because everything reminds her of you, but at the same time that’s precisely why she can’t leave. She’ll ignore how the same stuff you went through is happening to your siblings, because she’ll be too enveloped in her own grief.
That sibling I was talking about is going to grow up without you to lean on. They’re going to develop the same problems you did, maybe even worse because your mother is so distracted by your absence that she doesn’t notice the presence of depression over her other child. They’ll sit in their room crying where nobody can hear them. Blaming themselves. Wondering why you left them. Maybe I just annoyed them too much. It sounds irrational but that’s exactly what they’ll think.
Your best friend? They’ll drop out of school. Quit work. They won’t be able to handle it. You two were supposed to grow old together. Do all of those stupid things while your drunk at 2am. Go to eat McDonald’s while they cry about a breakup. Dance in your PJs to stupid stuff. They never got to do all of the things they wanted to do with you and now it’s too late. You’re gone. They’ll never get over it. As soon as they heard about it they stopped going to classes/work. Their teachers. Employers. Friends. Everyone started calling them and they’d ignore it because none of them were you. They’d never get you back and it destroyed them.
That one kid who you taught to smile. You don’t remember it. You just made that one comment that just changed their outlook on life. Look at them now. They heard about your death. They’ve forgotten how to smile again, but this time they learned how that yawning pit of despair in your stomach sometimes goes away if you drink too much. Or maybe cut. They start following the path you did because they looked up to you. You were that thing that made their day bright.
Your friends on Tumblr. As stupid as you may think it sounds, most of them would probably deactivate their blogs. They would hate to log in because you were the person they talked to the most on here. The website that used to make them so happy would now only be a source of sadness because why would they want to log in when you won’t be there to greet them for the 15th time that day?
I’m not posting this for you guys alone. I have to remind myself of this all the time. That he would care. That everyone would care.
If you would care if someone on your tumblr committed suicide, please reblog and tag them. If you would care if the person who you found this from committed suicide, reblog. If you would care if anyone on this website committed suicide and you found out, reblog.
i fucking hate self care posts made by neurotypicals so here’s one from someone who Actually Gets It
-can’t shower or take a bath? me either. dry shampoo can make your hair look and feel cleaner, and baby wipes or makeup wipes work great to get the top layer of grime off your skin.
-can’t wash your sheets and make your bed? i feel you. push your blankets out of the way and shake the crumbs off your sheet. it will at least be a bit more comfortable.
-can’t even change out of your dirty pajamas? been there. hit yourself with some febreeze and a lint roller. if you can, brush your hair. if you can’t, hair ties and bobby pins are fantastic.
-can’t make anything to eat? same. if you can, there’s no shame in ordering food. in fact, it’s probably better you eat something rather than go hungry. if you can’t, try and find something that comes pre-made or takes minimal effort to make. at the very least, drink some water.
can’t respond to messages or reach out for help? yeah, i get that. set an alarm for a few hours from now and respond to any messages you need to once you’ve given yourself time to prepare. if they’re Important Messages that need Professional Responses, you can find fill-in-the-blank format rough drafts on google. as far as personal messages go, don’t feel bad for sending a mass “I’m sorry, I’m in a personal emergency right now. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” response to everyone.
-can’t even sleep because it’s so bad? asmr videos always knock me out, personally, but i also watch a lot of bob ross. just try to find something quiet and soothing to use as background noise and take your mind off it, or at least give you a more peaceful environment to think about it.
-can’t go for a walk/drive? try opening the blinds or curtains. you’re still exposing yourself to the outside world. baby steps. (i also play animal crossing or sims; it may be virtual but fuck it. i went on a walk.)
-can’t go into work/school? let people know. let your coworkers or classmates know it’s an emergency and you can’t make it. give yourself up to two days, but then you have to go back. ask to have your work emailed to you so you know what you missed.
-can’t brush your teeth and wash your face? makeup or baby wipes and gum or mouthwash. don’t let yourself physically rot bc you’re rotting emotionally.
-remember that you’ve been here before. if you survived then you can survive now. that’s what this is about- survival. you don’t have to be living your Best Life. right now, it’s more than enough that you’re alive.
This is the only self car masterpost I’ve ever seen that is feasible for severe depressive episodes
pain-lies-inside 