I can’t stop thinking about what a friend said “horizontal for attention. Vertical for results”. I know she was joking, I know she’s not serious but for some reason I can’t help but think “am I attention seeking? I only cut horizontal” I know that’s not true but her words flash through my mind
It’s kinda weird being half suicidal ? (I dont know what to call it) Like I think about suicide and how/when I could do it. But the weird thing is, I don’t actually want to kms. Like, I do but I kinda just want to stop existing for a bit then maybe come back ? Honestly I have no idea anymore
DISCLAIMER: I’M NOT PRO ANYTHING, THIS IS FOR ME ONLY. PLEASE SEEK HELP
🍃Never eat over 1000 cals, always aim for 600
🍃Lose at least 5kg
🍃Always drink LOTS of water
🍃Exercise at least 30 minutes a day; always do at least 50 sit ups
🍃Fast 3-5 times a week (Aim for Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Sundays)
🍃Always follow meal plans
🍃Never tell anyone about your problems (unless serious)
🍃Always hide your habits; never let anyone find out or suspect anything
🍃Have green tea when hungry; it may not taste nice but it curbs my appetite
🍃Never purge, no matter how much you want to
🍃Finish Ana book; remember to keep it well hidden
🍃Make sure food/tea stash is up to date and well hidden; move it around every week
Stay safe lovelies💓
This is exactly why i dont tell people my problems. I am not a child, i understand my actions. I know things aren’t always “rosey”. I don’t want to be treated like a child in trouble. I understand the situation but i will shield myself first and for most; i will not be hurt
I self harm, have disordered eating, probably have depression of some sort, kinda been abused and am generally unhappy with myself. I’ve told people but not everything. I have thoughts of suicide, I have thought of people’s reactions and when/how I could do it. I have thought that maybe the world would be better without me, that I deserve to leave and the pain that comes with it. There’s no reason to worry about me but in a sick and disgusting way, I kinda want there to be?? God, I’m kinda fucked up🙃🙃
A new month. A fresh start. A chance to get back on track. By the end of May I will be at least 50kg. I can do this. I’ll sick to my meal plan and I’ll reach my goals!💓
Stay safe lovelies💓💓
I’ve recently realized that I don’t really have a reason/s to live. Like, there’s nothing stopping me killing myself right now expect that I’d miss a few people. Like, realistically, I’m gonna die one day anyway so who gives a fuck🙃
°DISCLAIMER: This post is for me and me only, please seek help°
52kg = get a fit bit
50kg = get nails done professionally; black acrylic
48kg = buy chokers and new tops
46kg = have a disney move marathon with friends
I just weighed myself and I’m 51.9kg!!!! I made it to my first gw!!😁 I still have a long way to go but this is definitely motivation to keep going💗
pain-lies-inside 