Tag: mine

Updateđź’Ž trigger warningâť—

Alrighty, its been a while. Been self harming recently (was clean for two weeks) and low key on track as I’ve been drinking 2L of water every day and eating fairly healthy. A friend’s bday tomorrow and the next day so imma try to eat healthy and let myself enjoy the two days. When I come home (12/01/19) I’ll restrict again slightly and then on 14/01/19 I’ll start the A.I.T diet. I’ll make a post sometime before the 14th about the diet and how I’ll track my progress

Stay safe loveliesđź’•đź’•

VERY VERY IMPORTANT

so this whole tumblr purge is happening soon. If you wish to contact me outside of tumblr, I’ve attached my twitter handle (message saying that ya from tumblr and what your handle is) If you don’t have twitter and still want contact, message me and we can work something out

Stay safe guysđź’•đź’•

Silence

Silence is both freeing and overwhelming. On one hand it halts the thoughts and voices, freeing my mind from the pain, for even just a moment. It makes me feel alive and reminds me to let everything go and to simply breathe. On the other hand, it coarses through my veins and floods my system; drowning my mind while my body stays afloat. A tornado of destructive thoughts moves on a direct path towards me, however, I do not move or run away. I simply allow my body to float and my mind to be free. And as I close my eyes and let the silence consume me, a final thought crosses my mind: the silence and darkness will always be there, but maybe one day, the light will appear too

~a poem by me // 02/11/2018

VERY IMPORTANT

so since no one has said anything, imma start a new blog. I dont know what I’ll call it yet but I’m starting a new one sometime soon. This will still be ‘alive’ just not used as much. Feel free to send in your opinions / feedback

Rant: tw 24/09/18

So I’m meeting with a friend tomorrow, whom of which I haven’t seen for a year. One of my immediate thoughts was “wow, i haven’t changed much in the past year. I’m still fat”. Then I realized how long I’ve been like this (like end of 2017 to now) and its just, upsetting. And I realized he doesn’t know about my self harm or depression or disordered eating and just ahh. I have mixed emotions but also feeling numb at the same time

Update kind 18/09/18

âť—âť—TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM AND SELF HATEâť—âť—

Right so umm,,, I’m not okay. I’m just done with being fat and disgusting and a pig. I’m done being a bloody horrible dancer. I’m done being the fat / ugly / unwanted friend. I’m just done, 100%. I constantly feel anxious and like I’m annoying those around me. Self harm and cutting is always on my mind, but no one wants a girl who cuts her pain away.

They are perfect and amazing and incredible and I’d date them in a heartbeat. But they’re not ready and I gotta respect that. Still, there’s moments where I wish they were mine and that I could show them how much they nean to me. Then I’m reminded how alone I am and I try not to think about it.

Thing is, you asked how I was and I responded “I’m good thanks”, so I must be good, right? Just tired and done, wanting to sleep for a week

Updateđź’• 16/09/18

Right so, I’ve been seeing a teacher at school about my mental health and it’s going okay. Low key self harmed yesterday (safety pin) and am still fat. Just went food shopping and gonna make a meal plan when I get home

Convo this morning 14/09/18

Brother a: “Can I have money for lunch?”

Mum: “*gives him $10* Share it with your sister” (said kinda quietly)

Brother a: “$5 a perfect amount for one person, thanks mum”

—-

Brother b: “You gotta share that with her”

Brother a: “No I don’t, she works. She can pays for it herself, not like she pays for nothing.”

—-

My brain: “he knows you’re fat, this is a reason to strave”

07/09/18

I’m back under 56kg!! I weigh 55.8kg now. I was so worried that I’d gain after yesterday (ate an easy 900 – 1000) but I worked off 2,300 (1.6km run, gym and work) so it’s okay! Brought ‘safe foods’ yesterday (crackers, rice cakes, bananas and tuna) and I’m buying diet coke and a multivitamin tonight

06/09/18

Tired of hurting those around me

Tired of constantly fighting

Tired of this disordered eating habits crap

Tired of everything

Talking to a teacher tomorrow, won’t be saying everything but somethings. Might help might not, we’ll see