It was when my mom had to buy her 13 year old daughter lotion for stretch marks
It was when I was picking out an outfit and had to keep telling them that the clothes were to small
It was picking out homecoming dresses for the other person and saying my size under my breath
It was the “do u really NEED more food?”
It was the way the doctors looked at me when they wrote down my medically obese weight on their charts
It was the fact that when I told my friend I stopped eating she brushed it off because I wasn’t skinny enough to be in danger
It was that my friends dad said that after high school when guys stop caring about looks so much, I’ll get all the guys
It was the fact that I was the only one at the pool not wearing a bikini
It was the fact that I’d never had a boyfriend or a best friendThat’s why I started
It’s the fact I carry safety pins in my purse because most of my clothes are too big
It’s the “have you lost weight?”
It’s the “I’m gonna try on a medium shirt”
It’s the LOSING WEIGHT
It’s not looking as much at sizes because if it looks like it will fit it probably will
It’s the heart race that you get when you see you’ve lost even a pound
It’s the thrill of accomplishing something you’ve worked so hard forThat’s why I kept going
It’s finally hitting your goal weight
It’s going back to school and watching everyone’s jaws drop
It’s never worrying about muffin tops or thunder thighs again
It’s having a lazy day and it being cute not slobby
It’s the eating a cookie and not having people think ‘that’s why she’s fat’ because you’re not
It’s the boys that flirt with you
It’s the girls that are jealous of you
It’s the body you’ve always wantedThat’s why I’m in the hospital
It was the malnutrition that made you faint
It was the over used heart that went into cardiac arrest
It was the lack of food that make your hair and nails frail and brittle
It was the doctor that couldn’t save you
It was the therapist that could get to you
It was the eating disorder that controlled youThat’s why I’m dead
Tag: please get help while you can
Eating disorders are not a game
It’s all fun and games until you’re so far in and wish you could get out, but you’re trapped in a cycle of extreme depression and Anorexia has taken over. It makes me want to cry for hours when I think about how much food tastes good and how much I wish I could be normal. But I can’t. Having an eating disorder is one of the most painstaking things to deal with. Please, if you’re just starting out, get out before it’s too late. I wish I had listened to posts like these but I didn’t. It gets to a point where you physically cannot bring yourself to eat and you experience panic attacks and mood swings and lose every ounce of happiness you ever had within you. You just wish you could eat and enjoy it but every time you eat there’s a voice screaming in your head that you are fat and worthless and it starts to define you. I’m begging you, save yourself the misery. Being addicted to killing yourself slowly is not a game, and it is NOT trendy. Reblog if you feel this message should be heard.
*I have used certain tags to get the people who need this most to see it*
pain-lies-inside 