Update💕 16/09/18

Right so, I’ve been seeing a teacher at school about my mental health and it’s going okay. Low key self harmed yesterday (safety pin) and am still fat. Just went food shopping and gonna make a meal plan when I get home

Rant kinda

☁21/07/2018☁

A friend just accidentally sent a video showing her self harm (on her upper arms) and I deadass just thought, “my self harm isn’t bad enough, I should cut from the inner top to the inner bottom of my arm”. I know I can’t becausw I have some still healing but fuck, I want to.

Rant

☁20/07/2018☁

I feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to. I know that’s not true but i feel alone. Like, my friend is trying to recover and is going through their own things and i dont want to burden them with mine/make them worse, person a and person b are doing good and i dont want to bother them/bring them down, person c has her issues and i dont trust her enough to speak about everything and person d has suffered before and I don’t want them to suffer again. I’ve just been bottling things up and using unhealthly coping methods (cutting, eating disorder, isolation). I honestly don’t know what to do anymore

TW: self harm

I’ve been cutting the past like 5 days ish and I haven’t the past two days due to a friend being over. It’s fucking killing me. All I’m thinking of is cutting, making more cuts/scars and having them all up the inside of my arm. I get the opportunity, I’m fucking taking it

Trigger warning

I’m so tired of wasting time, never seeing results, counting calories, feeling guilty, starving myself, binging, losing and gaining weight. I’m so tired of it but i can’t/dont want to let go? I’m not even that far in. So I told a close friend, I trusted and hoped that she’d support and help me. She didn’t. I basically got the “you should seek professional help” and “you’re not fat or a failure”. Why do I keep being ignored? I kinda wanted to ‘recover’ but I’m not so sure anymore.

Update?

So i have zero idea what I weigh at the moment but i gotta get to like 50kg before term 3. It’s 18th June so i have around a month. Majority of my year level went on camp like 2 weeks ago and I won’t see them til next term so hopefully I’ll blow them away be being some what skinny. I will reach my goal, I can do this💓

TW

So I went to the store today and turns out they sell razors for like $2. I couldn’t buy them as my mum was with me but I plan on buying them tomorrow after my dance performance. I need new razors cause the ones I have are rusting. It’s kinda fucked that my first thought was “now I can self harm more/better” what the fuck

Tw

I have a dance performance on sunday and i should be only focused on it but i know that i can self harm after it. Like ive had the urge to self harm so bad over the past week. Like, the only reason I’m not is cause people would see it when I dance. I just,,, why? Why is this what my brain focuses on?

Trigger warning:

I want to cut all down my inner arm. I deserve it, I’m not good enough. I’m so fucking fat, it’s disgusting. Fucking do it bitch, no one would care. Honestly, I’m fucking worthless

TW

A girl at my school self harms and is very showy and open about it? It makes me uncomfortable and like my self harm isnt bad enough,, like I feel like I can’t talk about my self harm cause it’s not as bad as hers. I need to cut deeper, more, longer,, I can’t fail at this too