Vent💘 (self harm)

DATE: 24/02/2019

I really want to self harm so bad right now. I just, really feel the need to ruin my body and “paint red lines with silver brushes”. I’m so tired and done. Bottling everything is making me fall apart and shatter

Stay safe everyone, feel free to message me anytime💘

Vent💘(ED & selfharm)

I’m falling apart: school grades are okay? I think? Classes are so tiring and I’m so done with the people in them. I just want to be alone. I’m slowly losing interest in friends, I just want to take a break and be alone. I’ve been eating too much lately but it’s okay, I’ve actually lost (0.3kg) so that’s good. I’m tried all the damn time, I just wanna sleep for like, 2 weeks. I’m getting back on track, hoping to take more dance on so thats good. I feel I can’t say anything to my friends so I guess it’s another classic case of bottling shit up

Thanks you guys, we may not interact that much but I really appreciate all of you💘💘

💘Stay safe: my asks/pm are always open💘

Vent: trigger warning (self harm ann ED)

I feel like absolute shit. I’ve eaten wayy too much the past few days (1200+). I want to strave/restrict and cut so badly. I’m so done with being fat, with looking like this. I have dance and aths but no one sees my hips. Idek anymore, I feel so alone and tried and done. No one wants or needs me and i can see why. I’m just so done

Vent:trigger warning❗

DATE: 03/02/2019

Hey guys, I hope y’all are doing okay💓

I self harmed again last night and have been eating wayyy too much lately (tryna fill the void lol) and am probably in a bad depressive episode but o h w e l l. School tomorrow, thank god, so I’ll be restricting tomorrow and starting running again (had to take a break cause of my ankles). I’ll be posting food/exercise diarys and weigh ins again so get ready for that. Thats all for now:

STAY SAFE GUYS 💕

Vent:trigger warning❗

DATE: 31/01/18 Thursday

Hey guys, sorry it’s been a while, I’ve had a very hectic month. Shearing is finally over and I go back to school on monday (040218). I’ve been super off track lately which has honestly been rough. Things aren’t bad but they’re not stable/good either so… eh. Idek if I’m okay, I just relapsed into self harm (was clean 13 days) and i feel I’m relapsing into my ed as well so,, y e e t. Anyway, I’ll fix my shit before school, its around 3.5 months til dinner dance and that’s the deadline to be 46kg. Peace out guys

STAY SAFE, FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE ME FOR A CHAT💕

Silence

Silence is both freeing and overwhelming. On one hand it halts the thoughts and voices, freeing my mind from the pain, for even just a moment. It makes me feel alive and reminds me to let everything go and to simply breathe. On the other hand, it coarses through my veins and floods my system; drowning my mind while my body stays afloat. A tornado of destructive thoughts moves on a direct path towards me, however, I do not move or run away. I simply allow my body to float and my mind to be free. And as I close my eyes and let the silence consume me, a final thought crosses my mind: the silence and darkness will always be there, but maybe one day, the light will appear too

~a poem by me // 02/11/2018