when people try to encourage me to not harm myself and tell me i can do it if i just try…it makes me angry, on some level, because they can’t seem to understand that i don’t care about my own wellbeing enough to stop. like. sorry to be an edgelord, but when i say i hate myself, i don’t mean that i’m sad about it and want to change. i mean that i’m full of an all-consuming rage directed at everything i am, was, and ever will be. i don’t want to improve myself because there is nothing here to improve, there is only uselessness and negativity and ugliness. i’m alive by circumstance and i sincerely hope that my self-destructive behaviors will kill me so it’ll look like an accident. i’m just dying real fucking slow because i’m too much of a coward to shoot myself and i’m not even good enough to deserve a quick release from life, i have to suffer.
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