At first glance 🥀

fragile-delicate-rosebud:

Trigger warning ⚠️ Anorexia/self harm ⚠️

At first glance, it wouldn’t seem that I,
Yes me,
Have an eating disorder.

I do not look anorexic.
I look healthy.
My weight is normal,
My BMI,
(That dastardly high body mass index)
Is considered normal.

You cannot see my bones protrude,
(Yet)
You cannot see my sallow cheeks,
(Yet)
You cannot see my deathly wrists,
(Yet)
You cannot my angel winged shoulder blades,
(Yet)

But, if you look close enough,
You can see my malnourished dark circles,
You can see the way I despise my plate,
You can see the way I claw at my skin,
You can see my coffee is black,
You can see me start to shrink.

At first glance, it wouldn’t seem that I,
Yes me,
Cut open my left wrist and my right thigh.

I do not look that “sad”
I look happy.
My smile shines through a crowd,
My demeanor,
(That faithful mask I wear in public)
Is happy and pleasant.

You cannot see my scars,
(They are hidden)
You cannot see my tears,
(They are hidden)
You cannot see the thin lines I draw,
(They are hidden)
You cannot see the pains inside me,
(They are hidden)

But, if you look close enough,
You can see I always cover my left wrist and my right thigh,
You can see I am never naked around others,
You can see the way I flinch whenever self harm is mentioned,
You can see my faraway eyes,
You can see me hate myself.

But at first glance, you could never tell.