starving-and-weightless2:

PLEASE READ THIS IF YOURE THINKING ABOUT SUICIDE!!!

Last night I spent my day and night attached to heart monitors, all kinds of drips and had about 6 different cannulas and syringes stuck into my arms. They shoved tubes down my throat to make me spew because I tried to overdose. And I can tell you now, that wasn’t even the worst part.

You wanna know what the worst part was? It was coming in and out of consciousness to see my best friends and boyfriend, who drove 40 miles because they knew something was wrong, standing over me in tears. I didn’t want them to see me like that and I had never seen any of them that hysterical before. They had to drag me to the car to get me to the hospital.

It was seeing my dads face as I got taken out the house. He looked like he was gonna cry and he never cries. He’s not very affectionate but he hugged me tighter than anything and just kissed my forehead. I could see the tears in his eyes and it broke my heart.

It was the constant phone calls from my brother who I had never seen or heard cry before. But he told me that he would feel like a failure, he wouldn’t want to live if he lost his little sister and that he needed me to pull through or his life would never be the same. He wouldn’t even hang up the phone until mine eventually ran out of battery because he wanted to spend every last second with me incase I didn’t make it.

It was multiple messages from my mum telling me how much I was loved and that she was so sorry she wasn’t there for me. She didn’t want her little girl to leave her. She was telling me that she wouldn’t have anyone to spend her money on and to go shopping with. Who would she moan at for not tidying up? And that all she wanted was one last hug and kiss.

So guys you get the point! If you feel like nobody around you cares then you are so wrong! You don’t have to have loads of friends or a massive family but just know that there are people out there who’s lives would be ruined if you were to leave them! They would be heartbroken. Last night has scared me and made me realise that dying is never an option! I would not wish this upon anyone else so please don’t do it! You have so much to live for and you don’t even know it until it might be too late! Every single one of you deserves all the happiness in the world and if anyone needs advice just speak to me! I promise I will help but please..

This is your sign not to kill yourself today. You are loved and wanted and you will get through this!❤