pastelporche:

Let me tell yall somethin

This is for anyone who needs the truth. The solid truth about what happens when you reach the “skinny” part of your eating disorder. From my perspective. This is for people wanting recovery, just getting into an ed, or may be wanting to follow ana as a fad diet. It may come across as mean, this may be triggering for some people, and it might scare a few of yall, but this is the fuckin tea. Read on if you wish to hear my account, but know that if you scroll past this, you might be missing your wake up call.

• Nobody. Wants. To. Pick. You. Up. Just. Because. You’re. Skinny. Nobody. Doesnt fucking happen. Snap out of your fairy tale.

•BOYS DON’T LIKE GIRLS WHO LOOK LIKE THEY’RE DYING

•BOYS DONT LIKE GIRLS WHO LOOK LIKE THEYRE DYING

• People will worry. Not in a good way. After a while it gets scary. And i mean scary. People think theres something wrong with your parents for letting you get to this point, and that might harm your parents. They start to get involved. Is that what you want? For your parents to fucking suffer?

• If they dont go for your parents, they might call authorities on you. Ive had people (friends/family) threaten to involuntary commit you to a hospital. Think they cant? They can. On the grounds of you being a danger to yourself. Is that what you want? To get locked away and forced to eat? We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Pick.

• You’re cold. All. The. Time. Not cute when its 100 degrees and you’re shaking like a fucking leaf and can’t enjoy a day out. Its not fucking cute, it sucks.

• Your skin gets gross. Don’t believe me? Look at anyone whos malnourished. Dull, pale, pasty, dry. No blush, no healthy glow, you look like your dead. And people notice. Kinda like how animals stay away from other animals that are sick, people will see your malnourished look and WALK AWAY. They think theres something wrong with you.

• Kids! Have! No! Filter! They will talk about your bones. They will ask whats wrong with you. BECAUSE THEY CAN SEE THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG. And its not funny, because if even a kid can see that somethings wrong with you, that meand that everyone around you is thinking the same thing and is quite frankly disgusted by how you look.

• Like bad breath? Good! I hope you’re ready to be afraid to kiss people or talk to them face to face.

• Bruises aren’t cute. You look like you got in an alley fight and lost.

• Your clothes don’t fit.

• Actually, your clothes will never fit.

• They hang, they bag, they sag, they cinch in all the wrong places with belts, and idk if you’ve ever seen a halloween skeleton in a skintight dress, but thats essentially what you look like. Its not cute. You look like a 10 year old living out of hand me downs. Not a victorias secret model.

• You will still spend hours getting dressed. You will still obsess over your body. You will never be happy with it, no matter how much you lose. Please, get help. Get professional help. Quick.

• Your concentration will be shot. You wont be able to focus anywhere, because you’re not feeding your body. Your body needs energy to concentrate and get work done. Those straight As wont happen on an empty stomach.

• Your memory will be even worse. I had the memory of a damn goldfish. I couldn’t handle being tasked with more than one thing at any time. I had to write down everything, set clock timers, set digital reminders, everything. I almost caught the oven on fire because i forgot it was on and had a cake in the oven.

• You will lose everyone close to you. Remember that thing about animals staying away from the sick ones? People do it too. You wont be able to concentrate on friendships when you dont even have the energy to stand up. People will walk away when you start to drop weight because they dont know what to do about it. Those that stay will start to see you as an emotional burden or something to be taken care of. Sound cute? Wait until theyre physically fighting you to force you to eat.

• When you starve your body, it will turn to reserves to fuel it. Mostly muscle. You wont lose all your fat and magically find a super ripped body underneath. Your muscle wastes away. You become skin and bones, not skin and healthy muscle definition. You get gross and sunken in. You look brittle and ghastly.

• Oh, and, your heart? A muscle. Think about that.

• Your hair falls out. Alot. Whats left of it is dry and basically useless. It looks like a cheap wig after a while.

• Your teeth! Are! Disgusting! Brittle and sensitive from malnourishment. You’re going to have to disclose to your dentist for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE why your teeth are so bad. Go ahead. Face a mirror and fucking say it. “My teeth are horrible because i starved myself for an image i will never achieve through such methods”.

• You dont have the energy to do anything. Anything. You become the most useless sack of meat there is. You’re tired all the time and when you go to do anything you lose focus and eventually stray off task, usually to go sit down or take a nap.

• Being useless isnt funny. People will start to ignore you or push you away because you arent a functioning fucking human being. You’re a burden. You can’t focus, You’re constantly sluggish, your memory is horrible, you have basically zero strength, you’re just not capable and thats a fact. You can get turned down from job interviews, turned away after a first date, and overall shunned by other people because You. Are. Fucking. Useless.

• Caffeine addiction is a real thing and should not be taken lightly.

• Laxatives? One way ticket to fucking your system for a long time. Im talkin years. You can develop a dependency on those in little to no time at all.

• Relearning how to eat fucking sucks.

• Numbers take over your life and its horrible.

Theres so much more i could say but honestly? Its 2 am and im exhausted.

My point here is that theres nothing cute about eating disorders. The one thing i notice the most about alot of thinspo is the naturally slim bodies of those people. But they’re healthy. Not all, but alot. They have muscle tone and even fat distribution. They take care of themselves and are literally models.They are obviously winning the genetic lottery. But they get used as thinspo when starving will never get you that body. Never in a million years.

Please, get help. Get OUT. While you can. Please, get the fuck out of here. Seek recovery. I promise you that instagram body can be yours if you treat your body right and love it. Break out of this while you can. I wish you the best of luck.