Eating disorder sufferers (of all kinds) are EXTREMELY prone to endocrine dysfunction (especially autoimmune).
Thyroid damage is also incredibly common in those who participate in disordered behavior.
Your thyroid is a vital organ that regulates pretty much everything in your entire body, including metabolism. There is not a single cell that is not affected by thyroid hormones.
Which means that if there is any thyroid damage, your health is dangerously at risk.
I personally have experience with this, as my ED has destroyed my thyroid beyond repair. I am now dependent on medication to provide vital thyroid hormones (T4 specifically) that my body can no longer produce on its own.
When I eventually got tested, the doctors discovered that my T3 and T4 levels (which are produced by the thyroid) were almost nonexistent, while my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) was the highest the clinic had ever seen. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, an autoimmune disease that presents initially as hypothyroidism.
My eating disorder caused this, and exacerbated it.
And if I had been tested sooner, my health would not be nearly as bad as it is now.
So–
IF YOU HAVE AN EATING DISORDER, PLEASE GET TESTED FOR ENDOCRINE PROBLEMS.
You MUST catch this kind of shit early.
Some symptoms include:
-Extreme fatigue
-Hair loss (even in eyebrows and eyelashes)
-Sensitivity to cold
-weight gain (specifically central body weight gain)
-Puffiness in the face (due to water retention)
-Pitting edema in extremities (usually feet) (swelling that, once pressed, remains “pitted” for any amount of time afterwards)
-reduced body hair growth, or patchy body hair growth, mental ‘fogginess’, and hormonal problems, amongst other symptoms.
If left untreated, these symptoms can progress to the point of myxedema coma– which can be fatal.
I am not a medical professional, but I do know these things as facts, because I have lived them.
PLEASE GET TESTED. PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU ARE NOT DEVELOPING ENDOCRINE PROBLEMS. I AM FUCKING SERIOUS. THIS IS VITAL TO YOUR HEALTH AND YOUR LIFE.
Thyroid issues are also genetic, so if anyone in your family has them you should say that immediately to any doctor.
When my mum took me to the doctors and I said I was eating normally, they tested my thyroid because thyroid problems cause drastic changes in weight.
Even if it’s your grandparents, tell your doctor because, as the above makes VERY clear, thyroid problems will destroy your life if they are there.
💕 Laying in bed with your heart pounding in your temples, panicking because you feel like you’re going into cardiac arrest
💕 Obsessively buying and hoarding food that you never eat
💕 Huge fucking welts developing all over your body from minor bumps and scrapes. Like, freakishly large welts.
💕 The bones you wanted to see so badly? They dig into everything. It hurts to sit down anywhere, even on the toilet! It hurts to walk, because the bones in your feet can’t handle the impact. Crossing your legs will leave bruises.
💕 Being constipated. All the time 🙂
💕 You’re always cold. No matter how hot it is, no matter how many layers. It’s a kind of cold that stays in your bone marrow and never fucking leaves.
💕 Translucent, dead looking skin, with dark circles under your eyes that look like permanent bruises.
💕 Constant tremors!
💕 Nightmares about bingeing that leave you in tears, panicking because somehow you still think you absorbed calories.
💕 Even if you don’t dream because of sheer exhaustion, your sleep is still fucked.
💕 Ever present fatigue! You can’t think straight! Walking across the room tires you out!
💕 All the organ damage! Your stomach barely digests food anymore. Your heart feels weak. Your intestines stop working properly. You’ve killed off your thyroid with malnutrition, and yes, this can and does cause weight gain (although that is the least of your worries, I promise you).
💕 Thinking about food, that thing that causes you so much anxiety, ALL THE TIME.
💕 Friends slowly leaving, because you’re too caught up in the obsession to really have fun.
💕 Family slowly giving up on you, because you’ve been in this so long that even they can’t separate you from your disorder anymore.
💕 Sabotaging romantic relationships! Your real significant other is now your eating disorder.
💕 No sex drive! See also: too tired for sex. All the time.
💕 If you are in a relationship, you may struggle (or begin to struggle) with anxiety over being touched by your S.O.
If you think this doesn’t take its toll on even the strongest relationships, you’re wrong.
💕 You’re broke from spending all your cash on food (that you don’t eat), prescriptions (that you wouldn’t need if you didn’t have your disorder), diet pills, laxatives, stimulants, and other products (which you are physically or psychologically addicted to).
💕 No social life because you’re worried about calories and weight.
💕 Not going outside because you feel too fat, even though you are underweight.
💕 Wasting years of your life and youth
💕Inescapable shame 🙂
💕 Death (cliche, I know).
This CAN and *will* kill you. This is fucking dangerous. This is nothing to be proud of. I know people who have died from this. I have given myself permanent health problems from this. I have taken years off my life because of this illness. It is ugly. It is *boring*. It is hell.
Please seek help if you have or are developing an eating disorder. The sooner you catch it, the easier it will be to escape from it. Do not make the mistake of not taking this seriously. Do not make the mistake of thinking “well that won’t happen to me”.
It will.
I know it is the nature of the disorder to romanticize itself, but we need to scrape off the glamour that surrounds eating disorders, which only exists because of a lack of information. If one person reads this (or something like it) and thinks twice about diving in deeper, it should be celebrated. Our greatest weapon against EDs, and all mental illnesses, is awareness.
Fucking THANK YOU 👏🏻
Who do I ask for help?
If there are people you are close to that you trust, I would first recommend reaching out to them. Recovery is much easier when you are not alone. Eating disorders are characterized by isolation. Emotional support can make the initial steps of recovery much much easier.
Afterwards, or if there is nobody that you can/ would wish to confide in (which I can honestly relate to), it gets trickier because this has to cater specifically to you (also I am not a health care professional):
👉If you feel especially/imminently unsafe, call 911, or take appropriate immediate action. 👉If you are in immediate danger, go to the emergency room. 👉If your eating disorder and/or health require hospitalization, and you are able, research available inpatient programs, and check availability for admission, and proceed as you see fit. 👉If you are able, research therapists that specialize in eating disorders in your area that will be covered by insurance/other means. 👉 If you are able, research available outpatient programs in your area, and check admission availability. 👉If, for any reason, these resources are not options for you, see if there are any support groups nearby (think similar to NA, AA, SAA, NAMI, etc) that you could attend. 👉 If support groups are unavailable, find online support groups and message boards, and research recovery plans that may work for you.
Through online research, I’m sure there are many many other options out there, this is just a basic outline of examples.
I wish you all the best in the world! Please stay safe.
I’m just visualizing the wounds on my heart
My skin will back to normal in a few weeks
But my heart,my mind,my life WLL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN
Can you see the blood?
That’s not from my arm
That’s from my fucking heart
• The first thing I do when I wake up is drink a whole bottle of water and take 2 daily vitamins.
•If I eat something in the morning(which would usually be a few saltines with peanut butter if I did) I’d drink another bottle of water with it before getting ready for school.
• I drink 1 bottle of water per class. 5 classes= 5 bottles of water. Plus one more bottle for lunch.
• I eat a small thing of peas (30cal) before theatre to keep my energy up.
• I usually eat more saltines with peanut butter and jelly when I get home, or a fruit like a banana or apple. (I might eat one full meal made from my grocery list, but it just depends on how long I can hold out for that day)
• I read for an hour and do any homework.
• I jog in place for 30min while watching tv, do 200 sit-ups, 25 side leg lifts for each leg two times, and plank for 50 seconds twice. After this I drink another bottle of water.
• I then shower, read a little bit more, drink one more bottle of water, then sleep
When Jin came home to the sound of No More Dream blasting throughout the house, he found cute you dancing like a psycho in a full mud face mask. He laughed that perfect laugh before sneaking up behind you and lifting you up into his arms which caused you to scream. “YOU’RE SO ADORABLE!” He yelled while you screamed.
Suga-
Yoongi came into the kitchen from the studio for a snack when he found you jumping up and down and banging your head to Go Go. He couldn’t help but laugh and look at you with adoration as he leaned against the wall and just watched you.
J-Hope-
When Hoseok walked into your bedroom with a towel around your body and around your hair flinging around from all your crazy dancing. He watched his million dollar smile and clapped for you. “So good babe! But no look, watch me okay? 1, 2, 3, 4….”
Rap Mon-
When Namjoon walked into your house and saw you dancing like crazy to Run, he smiled and lifted his arms to make a heart. “I’ll talk to he dance line about changing the moves to yours, love.”
Jimin-
Jimin heard 21st Century Girl blasting as he got of the shower. He found you in your bedroom going crazy, shaking your body along to the song. He clapped for you as the song finished as your number ended. “Babe look, this was you!” He said while trying to imitate your moves.
V-
When Taehyung found you in your living room dancing along to Blood, Sweat, and Tears, he pulled out his phone immediately and started recorded. “She’s gonna be SO pissed when I post this.”
Jungkook-
As Jungkook watched you shake it to Cypher 4, he couldn’t help but giggle and stare at you with love. Once you saw him watching and ceased all movements, he frowned. “No keep going, I loved it! Even if it was the wrong choreography!”
Abuse is often categorized into different forms. While some are fairly well known, others are rarely discussed outside of anti-violence activism and the like. In addition, many people are unaware of how various kinds of abuse are defined and what actions are considered abusive. Here’s a list to help make things a bit clearer. Please note that some actions are abusive in multiple ways and this list likely won’t be able to describe every abuse behavior. In addition, this list is designed to be as generic as possible so it can be applied to a variety of different situations rather than exclusively focusing on romantic partnerships, parent-child relationships, friendships etc.
Emotional abuse:
Far more than ‘hurting someone’s feelings’, emotional abuse is a devastating form of abuse which can affect an individuals self worth, feelings of safety, and quality of life. It can even lead to mental health issues. While often dismissed as a ‘less serious’ form of abuse, the impact of emotional abuse can be devastating and last for a long time. Behaviors include;
Frequent, excessive and unwelcome criticism (as opposed to constructive criticism which is asked for and given in to help. Some people will claim their emotional abuse is actually meant to be constructive criticism, however, if its not requested and related to a specific thing a person is doing, then chances are, this is a lie)
Put-downs and name-calling (this is also verbal abuse)
Controlling the victim
Invalidating their feelings and experiences
Withholding (this includes ‘the silent treatment’, refusing to listen, and withdrawing emotionally)
Excluding the victim
Telling the victim that their thoughts, feelings, ideas, interests etc are wrong/bad/silly
Physical Abuse
One of the more well known forms of abuse, people often think that physical abuse is limited to romantic partnerships where one person hits, punches or attacks the other. While those behaviors are physically abusive, violence is not limited to contact that causes injury or even physical contact, and it can occur in any relationship. Examples of physical abuse include
Any and all unwanted and non-consensual physical contact
Throwing objects (whether at the victim directly or elsewhere)
Breaking your possessions
Threatening violence
Threatening with a weapon (such as pointing a knife or gun at the victim)
Forcing you to make eye contact with them
Driving wrecklessly/dangerously while the victim or victims children or pets are in the car
Harming the victims pets
Forcing the victim to eat or not letting them eat
Not allowing the victim to sleep
Locking the victim in/out of the house
Denying the victim access to medication
Not allowing the victim to use the toilet or meet other physical needs
Psychological Abuse
Emotional and psychological abuse are often discussed together as emotional abuse since there is a lot of overlap. What affects us emotionally also affects us psychologically. It can still be helpful to distinguish the two sometimes. It’s also sometimes referred to as mental abuse. Behaviors include
Gaslighting; denying the victims experience and making them question their reality or perception, hiding the victims personal items then claiming the victim lost them, denying that something happened when it did, and more
Invalidating the victim
Calling the victim ‘crazy’, ‘insane’ ‘psycho’, often when they confront the abuser about their behavior
Minimize or dismiss the victims achievements
Behaving in ways that cause the victim to feel intimidated or afraid
Using the victims fears against them (e.g forcing you to hold a spider knowing you’re afraid of them)
Behaving in erratic or unpredictable ways to make the victim feel scared of what the abuser might do
Terrorizing the victim
Subtle threats which communicate that the abuser is dangerous or intends to harm the victim e.g cleaning or playing with a weapon in front of them
Using mental health issues the victim has to blame them for the abusers behavior or deny that that certain things happened
Threatening suicide or self harm if the victim leaves or doesn’t do what the abuser wants
Making the victim responsible for the abuser
Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is a broad term that is often thought of as forced sexual contact, however it also includes sexual behavior without touch. The behaviors below are sometimes related to age, for example, exposing a child to pornography is always sexually abusive whether or not the child wanted or asked to see it, whereas for adults, forcing the victim to watch pornography (whether by physical force or coercion) is sexual abuse. Behaviors include
Forcing the victim to engage in sexual activities (rape)
Engaging in sexual acts in front of the victim
Discussing sexual activities in front of the victim (especially children, by adults)
Exposing the victim to sexually explicit media such as pornography (especially children, by adults)
Threatening to force sexual contact upon the victim
Making inappropriate comments about the victims body, especially private parts
Sharing private information about the victim’s body or sexual relationships without their consent
Coercing the victim into performing sexual acts
Performing sexual acts with the victim while the victim is underage, intoxicated or otherwise unable to consent
Guilting the victim into sex or sexual contact
Pressuring the victim into sexual contact
Threatening the victim with harm unless they perform certain sexual acts or give the abuser sexual access
In the case of BDSM relationships and sexual interactions, ignoring one of the participants safe word
In the case of BDSM relationships and sexual interactions, blaming the victim for not using a safeword in circumstances where it is not applicable and/or possible, e.g. the abuser initiated a BDSM scene without prior discussion or consent, or one party is unable to vocalize
Engaging in sexual contact with someone in any situation where the other party has not given clear, enthusiastic consent
Any situation where an adult engages in sexual contact with a minor
Sharing photos of the victim in their underwear/nude/engaged in sexual contact without their consent, or threatening to do so
Knowingly exposing the victim to STIs
Interfering with the victims birth control or safer sex methods
Deceiving the victim about the circumstances of sexual contact
Social Abuse
Social abuse is a less often discussed form of abuse where the abuser undermines the victims relationships and autonomy. Like other forms, behaviors here are often also applicable to other categories. Behaviors include
Not letting the victim see or speak to their friends and/or family
Making the victim feel guilty for having other relationships (except in monogamous relationships where one person is dating other people/’cheating’)
Going through the victims phone, emails, text messages. etc without their knowledge and/or consent
Spreading rumors about the victim
Telling the victim that their family/friends said things that they didn’t say
Telling the victim that only the abuser really cares about them
Manipulating the victim into confrontations with family/friends (e.g. encouraging them to raise an issue then withdrawing support during/after the confrontation)
Outing the victim if they are LGBT+
Telling other people about mental health issues the victim has
Telling people about abuse the victim has experienced
Telling people that the victim is abusive when it’s not true, or claiming they did certain abusive actions that they didn’t do
Humiliating or embarrassing the victim in front of others
Criticizing or putting the victim down in front of others
Engaging in subtle acts of abuse, manipulation, intimidation etc to show others how ‘crazy’ or ‘unstable’ the victim is
Interfering in the victims relationships in any way
Taking away the victims phone, computer, internet or other forms of communication
Disallowing the victim to communicate in ways that they want or need to e.g. not allowing autistic children or partners to stim, disallowing deaf or nonverbal children or partners to use sign language
Financial Abuse
Financial abuse is another kind of abuse that’s often not discussed. It generally revolves around interfering with the victims finances. It’s also referred to as economic abuse. Behaviors include
Forcing the victim to give the abuser their paycheck or government assistance payment/s
Telling the victim what they can and cannot buy
Punishing the victim for spending money
If the abuser is the sole income earner, forcing the victim to beg for money
Refusing to provide the victim with things they need
Stealing money from the victim
Forcing the victim to share bank accounts
Not allowing you to see or keep your own financial records
Not allowing you to go to work or gain employment
Jeopardizing your job by making you late, harassing you at work etc
Spending money on themselves but not allowing the victim to do the same
Forcing the victim to pay the abusers bills, car payments, rent, court fines etc
Using their position as sole breadwinner to manipulate or control you
Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse is often thought of as swearing at the victim. While that is part of it, there are many more behaviors which are also verbally abusive. Behaviors include
Talking over and/or interrupting
Frequent criticism
Using sarcasm to dismiss or belittle the victim
Constantly arguing with the victim
Swearing at the victim
Shouting at/over the victim
Using their voice and/or words to cause fear and/or intimidate the victim
Mocking and/or making fun of the victim, teasing them
name-calling
Spiritual Abuse
Spiritual abuse is another form of abuse that’s often left out of discussions but is still very important. While it’s generally thought of in a religious context, it can also be used against those who are not part of organized religions or do not have spiritual beliefs. In essence, it undermines a person’s spiritual beliefs, or lack thereof. Behaviors include
Not allowing the victim to attend religious services, gatherings or meetings
Telling the victim that their beliefs are wrong, bad or silly
Telling the victim that they’re ‘going to hell’ or are ‘damned’
Forcing or coercing the victim into changing their religious or spiritual beliefs, or lack thereof
A person in a position of authority within a religious or spiritual organization demanding unquestioned loyalty or making unreasonable demands
A person in a position of authority excluding certain individuals, often on the basis of sexual/romantic orientation or transgender status but can also be due to ethnicity, gender, class, disability etc
Shaming individuals for not paying tithing or giving money to a church/religious/spiritual organization/group
Hopefully I have covered most kinds of abuse here, however I will certainly add to this if I’ve missed anything. I know it’s a long post, but if you would be able to share this to raise awareness, I would really appreciate it. Many people are aware that abuse happens but far less people know how abuse is defined. This is not a complete list but I hope that it can serve as a guide to those wondering if what they are experiencing is in fact abuse.
1🎀 Throw your lunch away everyday without fail, it’s the easiest meal to skip
2🎀 Never ever take food from other people
3🎀 No eating after 6pm or before 6am, that’s a 12 hour fast everyday
4🎀 When you’re about to binge or eat, do a piece or two of homework, that way you won’t eat and are working to better grades
5🎀 Carry a bottle of preferably cold water with you at all. times. and drink from it a lot, it will clear your skin, keep your mouth busy, and suppress cravings
6🎀 If your feeling overwhelmed with work, give your easiest piece a go, you’ll feel better because you’re at least trying!
7🎀 Stay strong and don’t let school be an excuse to not working towards goal weights
pain-lies-inside 