Hi. Can you talk about some not so obvious signs of emotional abuse? Thank you so much

parentless-suggestions:

a lot of emotional abuse is subtlety, it’s good you asked. 

emotional abuse can be threats/intimidation. throwing things near you can count. questioning you with a knife in their hands. saying threatening things repeatedly. my mom once told me that if i didn’t testify to live with her that i would end up living in a cardboard box on the side of the road. just things that can be perceived as a threat without directly saying anything explicitly threatening like “i’ll kill you” (which would count but it’s a more obvious sign)

other things can be comments like “oh, you’re eating that?” or like “don’t you want less food? you’re getting fat.” comments about your weight (especially if they’re excessive) are red flags. 

leaving for extended periods of time can count, especially if it’s not for work or something important like that. having double standards can count, like “you never leave the house!” and then when you actually go do something “you’re always out of the house, you’re never here!”

going back and changing things that happened, like if you and your sibling are sure something happened a certain way but your parents start denying it and insisting something else happened (especially if this new thing makes you look/feel guilty/bad). really just anything that seems like they’re intentionally trying to put you down/make you feel responsible for things you can’t control.

another thing that professionals have associated with emotional abuse is like yelling at the other parent/hitting another parent in front of the child. hitting your animals/siblings in front of you is also emotional abuse.

comments on your clothes/hair/weight or any part of your appearance in a constant negative way. 

talking about you negatively with other people when you’re in hearing range (i mean talking about you badly in general but especially if you’re like right there)

i think those are the most common ones i can think of… there are definitely a lot of other examples i could list but these were just the first ones that came to mind. i hope this helps! you can also go through my emotional abuse tag for more examples from people who have submitted their experiences, and i think i defined emotional abuse somewhere in there as well.

Its sad how many of these I can relate to/have memories of

here’s what you tell someone who wants to commit suicide

this-is-anorexia:

writingsforwinter:

Here’s what you tell someone who wants to commit suicide: The moment that gunshot goes through your head, you’ll wish you hadn’t done it. When the chair leaves your feet you’ll struggle to get on solid ground again. You tell them they’ve been burning bridges for so long and maybe now it’s time to just find their way across. They can use a cane or a walker or a goddamn police escort, but they’ve got to get over that bridge.

But don’t force them to get over that bridge if they don’t want to. Never push them any further than they want to go. Be gentle, be patient, be kind. Love them. Stay with them and spend time with them and let them cry. And don’t you dare tell them to dry up those tears. Let them fall, and then you give them a list of one-hundred-fifty goddamn reasons why they’re too beautiful for tears. Try to make them believe it; show them how much you care.

Tell them you’ll light one candle for every night they keep themselves alive. Tell them you hope by the end of the year you’ll have a house burning brighter than the molten core of the sun. Take their sadness and give it a good talking-to. Sit it down on the sofa and look it in the eyes, say I want you to give this person their life back. Make it comply. Bind it up with duct tape and tie its hands to the back of the sofa with rope if you have to. Get a confession out of it; play the good cop-bad cop routine if necessary. And you’d better make damn sure that at the end of the day that sadness will be bruised and bloody, broken beyond repair, and not the other way around.

Throw all the plates in the cupboard against the wall. Make this person listen to the sound of them shattering. Tell them you don’t want that to happen to them; make them pick up all the splintered pieces with their bare hands until they get the idea. Even if it takes all night. Then invite this person to dinner at your apartment, and serve them a four-course meal on your best dishes. Let that metaphor, that analogy, rest in their body till it burns their bones. Say, if you don’t kill yourself, then all these plates will be yours. I promise you that.

Take them out to the rooftop of your apartment, and stand as close to the edge as both of you can. Make them close their eyes. Ask them what they feel. And if they feel fear, or loathing at you for making them do this, tighten your grip around their waist and lead them back inside. Look in their eyes and hold their gaze, and tell them this: you were afraid because you still had something left to live for.

Allow them to sleep in. But when they’re just waking up, bleary-eyed and tender, and they want to stay in bed under the warm covers, rip all those covers off. Strip the bed til it’s as naked as their soul, and then say If you kill yourself you’ll sleep forever. Then open all the blinds and let the light in; take their hand and lead them to the window. Look at the beauty out there, you’ll say. Look at the wind and the earth and the flowers in the garden! If you sleep forever you’ll miss all that.

But above all put your ear to their chest and listen to their heartbeat. Then listen to their words, and listen to every single one that pours out of them. I don’t care if it takes hours, or days or weeks or even years. You need to be there and hear what they have to say. And when all those words are gone and they’re left empty and bone-dry, I want you to fill them back up with your love and your willingness to help them heal. Let them know you would walk through fire and swim through floods and journey across barren landscapes for them.

Now here’s what you tell someone who wants to commit suicide, and this will be the simplest word of all, but the most difficult to say: Stay.

The most helpful and realistic piece of advice ever.

here’s what you tell someone who wants to commit suicide

this-is-anorexia:

writingsforwinter:

Here’s what you tell someone who wants to commit suicide: The moment that gunshot goes through your head, you’ll wish you hadn’t done it. When the chair leaves your feet you’ll struggle to get on solid ground again. You tell them they’ve been burning bridges for so long and maybe now it’s time to just find their way across. They can use a cane or a walker or a goddamn police escort, but they’ve got to get over that bridge.

But don’t force them to get over that bridge if they don’t want to. Never push them any further than they want to go. Be gentle, be patient, be kind. Love them. Stay with them and spend time with them and let them cry. And don’t you dare tell them to dry up those tears. Let them fall, and then you give them a list of one-hundred-fifty goddamn reasons why they’re too beautiful for tears. Try to make them believe it; show them how much you care.

Tell them you’ll light one candle for every night they keep themselves alive. Tell them you hope by the end of the year you’ll have a house burning brighter than the molten core of the sun. Take their sadness and give it a good talking-to. Sit it down on the sofa and look it in the eyes, say I want you to give this person their life back. Make it comply. Bind it up with duct tape and tie its hands to the back of the sofa with rope if you have to. Get a confession out of it; play the good cop-bad cop routine if necessary. And you’d better make damn sure that at the end of the day that sadness will be bruised and bloody, broken beyond repair, and not the other way around.

Throw all the plates in the cupboard against the wall. Make this person listen to the sound of them shattering. Tell them you don’t want that to happen to them; make them pick up all the splintered pieces with their bare hands until they get the idea. Even if it takes all night. Then invite this person to dinner at your apartment, and serve them a four-course meal on your best dishes. Let that metaphor, that analogy, rest in their body till it burns their bones. Say, if you don’t kill yourself, then all these plates will be yours. I promise you that.

Take them out to the rooftop of your apartment, and stand as close to the edge as both of you can. Make them close their eyes. Ask them what they feel. And if they feel fear, or loathing at you for making them do this, tighten your grip around their waist and lead them back inside. Look in their eyes and hold their gaze, and tell them this: you were afraid because you still had something left to live for.

Allow them to sleep in. But when they’re just waking up, bleary-eyed and tender, and they want to stay in bed under the warm covers, rip all those covers off. Strip the bed til it’s as naked as their soul, and then say If you kill yourself you’ll sleep forever. Then open all the blinds and let the light in; take their hand and lead them to the window. Look at the beauty out there, you’ll say. Look at the wind and the earth and the flowers in the garden! If you sleep forever you’ll miss all that.

But above all put your ear to their chest and listen to their heartbeat. Then listen to their words, and listen to every single one that pours out of them. I don’t care if it takes hours, or days or weeks or even years. You need to be there and hear what they have to say. And when all those words are gone and they’re left empty and bone-dry, I want you to fill them back up with your love and your willingness to help them heal. Let them know you would walk through fire and swim through floods and journey across barren landscapes for them.

Now here’s what you tell someone who wants to commit suicide, and this will be the simplest word of all, but the most difficult to say: Stay.

The most helpful and realistic piece of advice ever.

silverfaeblossoms:

Things we need to tell each other (and ourselves) more often

🌹 “You’re doing such a great job.”

🌹 “You are stronger than you think.”

🌹 “I can see you are doing the best you can.”

🌹 “You are allowed to take a break.”

🌹 “Someday you will see the beauty that I see in you.”

🌹 “It’s okay.”

🌹 “You are capable of anything.”

🌹 “I’m sorry.”

🌹 “Your kindness is a treasure and it’s much appreciated.”

🌹 “You are full of light.”

🌹 “I am here for you whenever you need someone.”

🌹 “I am proud of you.”

🌹 “You are such a wise person.”

🌹 “I believe in you.”

🌹 “Take time to bloom.”

🌹 “You deserve respect. Please walk away from people who treat you wrongly.”

🌹 “I care about you.”

🌹 “You have grown so much as a person.”

🌹 “You deserve the best.”

🌹 “You are valid.”

🌹 “You can make a difference.”

🌹 “It’s okay to take time for yourself. Please tell me when you want to be alone.”

🌹 “It’s not weird, please tell me more about it.”

🌹 “You are never alone.”

🌹 “You are worthy.”

🌹 “You are enough.”

🌹 “You matter.”

🌹 “Thank you.”

🌹 “I’d like to know more about you.”

🌹 “You make me feel happy.”

🌹 “I appreciate you.”

🌹 “You have a beautiful soul.”

🌹 “I know things can be hard but I am sure you will make it through. You’ve already come so far.”

🌹 “I’m here for you.”

🌹 “You aren’t defined by conceptual things like grades.”

🌹 “You deserve all the love in the world.”

🌹 “You inspire me.”

🌹 “May your day be as lovely as you.”

I’ll be adding more when I can think of more