I put on my sunglasses, to hide my swollen eyes, over my tears. I cried all my makeup off. Went inside to have a milkshake. I don’t know why. I wanted something to drink as I figured out what I would do. I got a soda and a milkshake. Medium. The cashier looked at me and with a line around the corner of the counter he rushed away from the counter “Hold on “ he yelled to a coworker.
I filled my soda and went back and saw him looking all over. I go up and he gets close and says “I made it a large”.
That was seriously enough for me not to do it. His kindness. Someone went out of their way and as I went back in my car to cry I realized I could muster through a few other days. A few more weeks. Then I came down from that panicky high of anxiety, depression, and pain. I finished my shake. And it was enough time to let me feel better. I… I’m alive. I’ll make it through.
Try and be nice today. Tomorrow. Something as much as a smile. It helped so much.
Thank you man at McDonalds.
The milkshake saved my life
I hope you all can read this and remember to be kind
The smallest of gestures can save a life. My Mum answered her phone when I called and I am alive today because of that.
I’m glad you’re here.
It’s a phone call, a milkshake, a friend.
I feel like I shouldn’t keep reblogging this but when I do more people see what kindness can do…. I don’t know. Love everyone as yourself.
Nah, keep rebloging it. It gives hope.
walked sobbing around a city once wearing a summer dress in mid-september thunder and rain. basically dragged myself into LUSH as the smell of the store always made me smile. the shop was empty and dead due to the weather, just this blonde short woman behind the counter who smiled at me. i stared at her feet and asked ‘do you have anything for people who are scared a lot?’ (i was so out of it i had no clue). she showed me two bath bombs, one pink and one blue, and said both were good – i chose the pink, paid for it and left. i then sat at a bus stop clutching the LUSH bag in one arm and my prescription meds in the other – i’d lied and ordered a refill so i could just drift away with sleeping pills. when the bus arrived and i was out of the rain, i decided to have another look at my bath bomb, smell it and what not. opened my bag and saw she’d put the blue one in there for me as well and written on the receipt ‘feel better soon 🙂 hope you like x’.
no one had ever been so selflessly kind to me before, i didn’t know what to do with it except hang around long enough to use the other bath bomb.
Actually I’m going to reblog this again because of the truth of the inverse: think of any time you have been casually cruel or petty to someone for humor or because you weren’t in a great mood.
Losing weight will not be easy so im throwing together this routine as a rough guide to what i’ll be doing one or more times each day.
100 jumping jacks
45 crunches
100 jumping jacks
20 squats
100 jumping jacks
30 lunges
100 jumping jacks
40 toe touches
100 jumping jacks
50 sec. wall sit
100 jumping jacks
50 sec. wall sit
100 jumping jacks
40 toe touches
100 jumping jacks
30 lunges
100 jumping jacks
20 squats
100 jumping jacks
FUN FACT: 7000 JUMPING JACKS BURNS ENOUGH CALORIES TO LOSE 1 POUND (RANDOM FACT I FOUND ON HERE). THIS IS WHY “100 JUMPING JACKS” IS REPEATED 10 TIMES ON THIS PLAN, IF YOU DO THIS ONCE A DAY , FOR A WEEK , YOU’LL LOSE THAT EXTRA POUND!!
THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE MY GYM PLAN , WHICH I INTEND TO GET TO AT LEAST ONCE A DAY, EVERYDAY.
But don’t worry, most writers are and I’m here to help because reading them is making me cRAzY.
I’m writing this because I’ve read three otherwise great romance novels back to back featuring characters dealing with PTSD (or PTSD symptoms) and each one of them made the same dream mistakes. I honestly can’t think of a fiction book I’ve read that didn’t make these mistakes, so I thought I’d compile a handy dandy list of mistakes and how to fix them.
Lucky for you, I have PTSD and a ton of fellow veteran friends who deal with these symptoms.
*This is based on my experience and things told to me by friends. This is not to say that the below doesn’t happen in real life, only that it’s not as common as you might think.
The issue with these dreams is twofold: on one side is the psychological accuracy of the dream and on the other side is how you’re using the dream within the narrative.
Oh an Black Sails spoilers-ish ahead.
1) Stop writing the dream as a shot-by-shot accurate retelling of Traumatic Event.
Listen, not only do dreams seldom follow reality, but our own memories are tricky at best. I don’t remember getting beaten up because a) it was horrifying and we block stuff like that out and b) I was going in and out of consciousness. It would be pretty strange for me to dream something I don’t even fully remember. Our brains are simply not wired to do these vivid factually-accurate cinematic retellings.
My friend dreams things that did happen, but in his own words those dreams are always wrong in some noticeable or bizarre way. For instance, he’s getting chased through the streets of Iraq by a werewolf.
2) Dreams are informed by reality, not direct reflections of it.
It’s entirely likely my friend dreamt of a werewolf in Iraq because I got him binge watching Supernatural and the two ideas merged in his dreamstate. But see, that’s how dreams work.
The trauma event exists as a constant in his subconscious, but he has all this other information right there in his conscious mind all day, every day. In dreams, there isn’t a clear delineation between that information.
My dreams are often dependent on whatever I’ve fallen asleep watching on television. The themes are consistent, but not the content.
In Black Sails, Captain Flint’s trauma dreams feature his dead partner and friend following him around his empty ship. You have an element of the trauma (the animated corpse of his friend) + his daily existence (his ship). The two things intersect to form these unsettling nightmares as expressions of his fears and grief. He never once relives the event itself in his dreams as shown on screen.
Speaking of…
3) Trauma dreams often revolve around feelings, not necessarily the events themselves.
The PTSD package generally includes heaps of shame, guilt, anger and fear. As someone who survived a beating when I should have had control of the situation, my dreams tend to revolve around fear that people will know I’m a fraud or being unable to act in a dangerous situation.
Again, it’s entirely common for trauma victims to not remember large chunks (or the whole thing) of the trauma event. So why should their dreams be stunningly accurate? What we remember are feelings. Real strong feelings.
You cannot go wrong if you write your trauma dream around feelings, not a specific event.
4) If you present trauma dreams as expressions of themes, you can let go of the trauma dream as an exposition dump/way overused suspense trope.
You know you’ve read this: MC has dreams that are a shot-by-shot retelling of Traumatic Event that always cut off right before Traumatic Event, so that the Big Reveal must happen by a discovery later in the novel.
If I were the MC in a book, the easy and common thing would be to use the “dream sequence” as an expository retelling of Traumatic Event as a way to give some backstory to why I might be surly, mistrustful, afraid to try something new, whatever, and to clumsily shoehorn in suspense where there doesn’t need to be.
The much more interesting thing might be if my dreams were inconsistent in content but consistent in theme. In one I’m on an alien planet (because I fell asleep watching the Science Channel again) and the ground opens up and I fall into a pit from which I can’t escape because I am helpless. In another a man is watching me while I sleep where I am again frozen and helpless. This would force the reader to think: what is the recurring issue in these dreams? Why is it important? What is this telling me about this character and what happened to her?
It could be a personal preference, but I’d rather see the Traumatic Event either told in narrative flashbacks (not dreams) or verbally retold by the character in question. Let the dreams tell me something deeper about the character. It’s not that I was beat up, it’s that I feel like a failure because of it. One of these things is a shallow factual detail, the other tells you something about me as a person that I’m sharing with you, gentle reader, because talking about this stuff is healthy.
5) The Traumatic Event doesn’t have to be a big secret.
In Black Sails, we know what happened to Captain Flint’s partner. It happened in real time in the show. That didn’t make his uber disturbing dreams less disturbing or mysterious. Fans still debate exactly what the symbolism was and what they were telling us about James Flint in those moments. We do know from the dreams that he was disturbed, obsessed, and also monumentally guilty and blaming himself for what happened.
The mystery was perhaps more heightened by the fact that the dreams weren’t direct reflections of reality. We know who this person was, what she believed, and why she died. That Flint is imagining her screaming silently in his ear is horrifying and discordant with what we know to be factual. This adds emotional complexity to his character and the decisions he’s making while suffering these dreams.
^^^this didn’t happen. It was a dream. A real unsettling dream.
Once you let go of the concept of the trauma dream as a literal retelling and exposition dump, you have the entire dreamscape to work in other narrative elements, like symbolism, metaphor, foreshadowing, etc.
a good post. particularly that the traumatic event doesn’t have to be a secret. frankly i’m getting real tired of ptsd being used as a cheap plot device.
everyone knows my medical phobia comes from the surgery i had last year. it’s not weird. it’s not shocking. there’s no Big Reveal. if i were a viewpoint character in fiction, you could show me having nightmares where i was portioned out in plastic-wrapped cuts in a deli case, and it wouldn’t even be exposition, because obviously that specific thing didn’t happen, but just as obviously, the white tile and whirring machines in the deli shop have a distinctly medical flavor, and the theme of being cut up and helpless isn’t exactly hidden.
so why would you show protagonist-me having this dream at all? what’s the point if his medical phobia isn’t the key to some clever plot twist?
well, there’s the fact that this is a really common thing a lot of people deal with, and you can illustrate the character’s personality and motivations really well by showing him reacting to stress. how does he deal when he wakes up? does he cry? does he gruffly tell himself it’s just a dream and try to go back to sleep? does he wake up his spouse for cuddles? what i usually do is turn on some lights, get a cup of tea or a soda, and read a fanfic. this tells you i’m a self-sufficient sort of person but i don’t try to pretend i’m not affected. that’s valuable information to impart about your main character.
my older ptsd comes from emotional abuse in grade school, and while that’s not a secret either, i don’t talk about it as much. you could theoretically make a reveal/twist out of it. but again, that’s a very common situation a lot of people have dealt with, and it seems kind of shitty to write about it like it’s so outlandish no one would ever guess it might’ve happened. if protag!me has dreams about being stuffed in a trash can and forced to eat crayons, half your readers will instantly guess that school wasn’t much fun for him. they get it; it wasn’t much fun for them either.
this has been pretty rambly, sorry for my incoherence. i’m on a lot of painkillers rn. i guess what i’m trying to say is, making ptsd into a Shocking Twist Big Reveal is othering, it’s kinda cheap, and it’s not as surprising as you think it is.
Here’s some hard to swallow pills that’ll probably make people upset but is 100% the truth and idc.
You do not have to stay in a relationship with a mentally ill person if it becomes too much for you to handle. You are not their saviour, that’s not your responsibility to save them.
Any person who uses their mental instability to control you staying is a shitty person. IE “if you leave me I swear to god I’ll kill myself”, still not your responsibility, LEAVE.
Been through this. yes.
important
Thank you. Its pressuring me and by the time I realized it, I’m plunging deeper into my depression
It is the truth and as a person who was left because of my mental ilness I still agree with it 100%
My ex used to say that he’d kill himself if I left, it definitely took a toll on me. Please, if things become too much, leave
If you’re thinking about recovering or you really want to then CONGRATULATIONS! I am SO proud of you and I genuinely wish you the best on this journey! A few years ago I recovered from an ED (I’ve since relapsed but that’s beside the point). Here are a few tips that helped me and may help you:
1. NEVER step on a scale no matter how tempted you are.
2. Eat plain food without seasoning. This helped my nausea so much.
3. Become a vegetarian, vegan, or pescatarian.
4. SMOOTHIES!!! These were so helpful to me since I wasn’t actually “eating” but I was still getting the nutrients and such that I needed.
5. STOP looking at thinspo and following blogs that will trigger you.
6. Reach out for help from someone you can trust. It’s important to learn how to have a healthy relationship with food.
7. Gradually raise your calorie intake or reduce your bingeing and purging so that you don’t become anxious.
8. Don’t overeat or eat unhealthy. It can lead to rapid, truly unhealthy weight gain.
9. Recovering is not “giving up” like a lot of the ana community says in meanspo. It’s a really great thing!
10. And lastly, remember that recovery does NOT HAVE TO HAPPEN OVERNIGHT!! Do not expect recovery to mean that you are able to eat normally again within a day or two. It’s okay for it to take some time. What’s important is that you do it healthily and it lasts.
So, we all know that under 18 is considered underweight but then what? What when you’re under? Where can you safely go?
Under 15, there’s a risk of sudden cardiac arrest. Under 13, your organs start to fail. Under 12, death is imminent.
Keep in mind that everybody is different but anorexic people have been known to die during treatment once they reach 11. Some have survived for a while on a BMI of 9, but they ultimately died.
If you want to stay alive, stay over 15. Under that, you’re dying.
blast off your weight with this diet. how it works is that the diet takes place over a period of 7 days (6 of which are dieting days and the 7th is a reserve day which i’ll cover in more detail below!) and each day we countdown our calorie intake by 100 calories until we reach 0 calories and we ‘blast off’ with a fast! Obviously like any diet the end results may differ due to everyone being different so don’t @ me if your results differ but when I did one cycle (6 days) I lost about 10lbs (approx 4.5kgs).
I find this so much easier than the 2,4,6,8 diet or the other diets where day 1 is the lowest amount of calories and it increases during the designated period. By starting with the highest amount of calories that you will consume and the slow decrease over the period of a week makes the diet easier to get into as you can ease yourself in and those early days are critical because that is usually when we give up because it seems too hard.
🔥 RULES 🔥
No going above the daily calorie limit
if you do go above the calorie limit then you have to take however many calories that you went over off the next day
no binging and purging (please don’t)
spitting and chewing is allowed, but stay safe, please.
there are no specific foods you can and can’t eat, just ensure that it doesn’t go over the daily limit
drink 8 big glasses of water each day (2Litres at least)
drink at least 2 cups of green tea each day
try your hardest to get enough sleep so that you can lose the weight quicker
if you mess up there is always tomorrow! I know its hard to not beat yourself up when you mess up (I do it too) but we’re only humans, and you are beautiful!
weigh in every 1-2 days and record your progress.
when fasting please be safe and keep it to 24 hours but if you feel up to it then you can extend your fast over to day 7 (but NO LONGER than that)
at any time during this entire process if you feel unsafe then I’d recommend sucking on a throat lozenge for blood sugar or having a some sodium – drinking loaded zero really helps me and is only 12 calories for a litre but gives you the electrolytes you’d get from roughly 2 gatorades.
🚀 FOR THE DIET… 🚀
Day One: 500 Calories
50 Sit-ups
50 Bicycle Crunches
60 side leg lefts (each side)
70 lying down squats
80 hip raises
90 Waist widdlers
60 second plank
2X30 minute walks – or alternatively 12,000 steps
Day Two: 400 Calories
60 Sit-ups
50 bicycle crunches
70 side leg lefts (each side)
80 lying down squats
85 hip raises
95 Waist widdlers
65 second plank
2X35 minute walks – or alternatively 12,000 steps
Day Three: 300 Calories
70 Sit-ups
50 bicycle crunches
80 side leg lefts (each side)
85 lying down squats
90 hip raises
100 Waist widdlers
70 second plank
2X40 minute walks – or alternatively 12,000 steps
Day Four: 200 Calories
80 Sit-ups
50 bicycle crunches
90 side leg lefts (each side)
95 lying down squats
95 hip raises
100 Waist widdlers
75 second plank
2X45 minute walks – or alternatively 12,000 steps
Day Five: 100 Calories
90 Sit-ups
50 bicycle crunches
100 side leg lefts (each side)
100 lying down squats
100 hip raises
100 Waist widdlers
80 second plank
2X50 minute walks – or alternatively 12,000 steps
Day Six: 0 Calories (fast)
Don’t do any of the exercises that you would do on the other days of the diet. We want you to be beautiful and safe, not over exhausted and passed out. Although if you want to stay moving then you can do 30 Side leg lifts (each side)
Day Seven: RESERVE DAY
I put Day 7 into the cycle for the situation if there is no possible ways for you to avoid having to face your fear. This might be because someone’s birthday is approaching or a special occasion is coming up. If not, then this is your REST DAY. Take a break from the diet on this day and get yourself ready to start back at Day One (if you wish to follow the cycle again)
If you have any questions, don’t be afraid to ask! my messages are always open! i’m not pro anything just trying to cope so if you don’t like what you see block don’t report. If you want to follow this diet then make sure you tag @thenewerclientele (me) in your progress posts and if you want to share this diet plan with anyone or make any changes then make sure that give me credit and share any alterations that you have made with me because I’d be really interested to see what changes you have made!!
I wish you all the best of luck with this diet and I hope that it can bring you joy in some shape or form. You all deserve to recover and you’re all so beautiful but I know that we all have our targets and that this is a really shitty time for all of us.
Please, please, please stay safe and if you feel like you are in danger at any point during blast off then stop immediately and nourish yourself with something safe.
make sure you follow @thenewerclientele for more updates, thinspo, diets and safe recipes.
– J
This seems hella dangerous and messed up but desperate times call for desperate means ://